2020 Reflection: Growth & Development

2020 has been a roller coaster ride for me. It has been a lot of ups and downs throughout the whole year, and ending this year feels very weird and unreal for me. There is a mixed feeling of excitement, blessed, happiness, scared, nervousness, concerned, and many more. Yet this is it. It is one month left to the end of 2020. Despite all the emotions, I must move on to a new chapter—the 2021 version of Audrey, which I believe is the better version of 2020 Audrey.

January was the start of my studies at Raffles College of Higher Education. I remembered I was anxious about living alone, especially in another country. Yet, I was very excited as it is one of my bucket lists – to be independent and living alone abroad. I had my first flight alone to Singapore from Indonesia, leaving my family and comfort zone. However, I stayed in Singapore for only three months and had to get back to my home country due to corona. I have grown in that split of time. I managed to be more productive and try my best to work on managing my time. I have great control of sharing my time between academics, quality time with friends (sleepovers, shopping, hanging out), and me-time (such as watching k-dramas and food hunting). I got to have sufficient sleep of 8 hours every day.

The first three months, I was pretty much changing drastically. From what my friends told me, they saw me changing to be a more independent individual. My face was also looking more glowing from previous months. I would even agree with her. It was one of the most memorable moments of 2020, where I felt the most confident and energized. Although I also had some insecurities during the last months of my stay in Singapore, I was pretty much satisfied with myself.

The second term came, the pandemic worsens, and I began to continue my studies in Indonesia through online home-based learning. In Indonesia, especially Jakarta, we were not allowed to go out of our house. Public places and businesses shut down. I am an extrovert person who usually recharges by meeting with friends and going out with family, so it was quite difficult. I tried my best to be as positive as possible despite the situation. I filled all my days with many activities. I started to help my parents with their business. I also learned to cooked and baked, then started to sell the cookies I made. I spent more time with my parents as they are full-time entrepreneurs working 7-days a week.

The July term was probably the most exhausting of all. I had many things that happened, especially with the continuous pandemic, and stayed at the home moment. I become more sensitive. The condition caused a few missed communication between family and me, and my mental health declined dreadfully to its lowest. It affects my academic studies, and everything seems to not flowing smoothly. I have no motivation, and felt exhausted. Criticism sounds overwhelming. I am the one who dragged myself to a bad depression.

But then, moving to the last term in October, I lose one of my family, my mom was hospitalized, and my grandmother was unwell. This was the turning point to the grateful version of me. I thought of becoming a better person for myself and my parents. I want to live without regret and make them proud before it's too late. I began again to thank everything I have. I complained less, and I am gradually growing a positive mindset. This is what I applied for until today. I realized this mindset has helped me to have ease in living.

I was never an academic person, but I am a kid with big ambition. I have a massive expectation for myself. I tend to be very depressed for not achieving my visions and compare myself to others. However, through the experiences, I learn to take criticism as a stepping stone to grow further. I found that every individual has different peak points and distinct strengths.

The lessons taught at Raffles College of Higher Education has also built me into a stronger and better individual. From the projects, I have also developed my hard skills and soft skills. As for Future Fashion Innovators and Future Fashion Project, I have extensive research on the selected market and became more detail-oriented than ever. I learned more about communication and teamwork when doing the "Asteria" event. To work in a team, you need to communicate your opinion and be open to any suggestions and understand each others' personalities, contributing to productive collaboration. I used to fear presenting due to past traumas, but now I am more confident in doing professional presentations.

Looking back to the 2020 Audrey, I can definitely see myself' growth and developing in becoming a better version of myself. I have grown into a better grateful person. I am thankful for every process and journey that I experienced, as to academic and personal self. I have sufficient sleep and less depressed than I was in 2019. My wish for my future self is to be a successful individual, mentally and physically. Always appreciate and be grateful for every step. I will keep on running to achieve my boundless dream and learn more to broaden my knowledge. Be the Audrey who can love herself no matter what and trust every step taken.